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NEVER AGAIN 



a farce in €f^ttt ^tt0 

(adapted from the GERMAN) 



By ANTHONY E. WILLS 

AUTHOR OF TOO MANY HUSBA OS, COLLEGE CHUMS, THE EAST 

SIDERS, JUST PLAIN FOLKS, A STUBBORN MOTOR CAR, A 

COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT, OAK FARM, NEW ENGLAND 

FOLKS, A MATINEE IDOL, BENJAMIN, BENNY AND 

BEN, THE GYPSY, ETC., ETC. 



Copyright, 1912, by Dick & Fitzgerai^d 



# 



NEW YORK 
DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 ANN STREET 



^tp 






Note. — The professional acting rights of this play are 
expressly reserved by the publishers, to whom theatrical 
managers who wish to produce it should apply. Amateur 
representation may be made without such application and 
without charge. 



NEVER AGAIN. 



CHARACTERS. 

RuFus Fletcher A retired merchant 

Charlotte Fletcher Jiis wife 

Mro»XUa} TUire.u,U.r. 

HoAVARD Hunt, an author Husband of Ruth 

Oliver Pendel A musician 

Doctor Cutler A physician 

Ji^^^ X Maids in the Fletcher household 

Marie ) 

Julian Beaulieu A chef of the Hotel Grand 

Otto Stein A man-o'-wars man 

Sergeant O'Flynn , A police officer 

Note. — Doctor Cutler and Sergeant O'Flynn can double. 

Time. — The present. Locality. — New York City. 

Time of Playing. — A full evening. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Dining-room in the home of the Fletchers. 
Korning. Rufus' dream and the horrible wringer that rolled 
him out flat. Oliver opposed as a son-in-law. Marion firm. 
Oliver and Rufus meet, to the discomfiture of the former. 
Dora's reference. The new maid. Rufus starts for Phila- 
delphia ; Charlotte and Marion for Ruth's. Otto's f orget- 
fulness. Return of Rufus. Arrival of jealous Julian. 
Rufus and Puss have an interview. Rufus invited for 
luncheon by Dora and Marie; compelled to drink his own 
wine and smoke his own cigars. Julian's threat. 

gCI.D '^8618 

NO. I 



Never Again. 3 

Act II. — Same as Act I. Afternoon. Luncheon is finished. 
Another masquerade ball for Rufus. Marie makes a dis- 
covery. Howard and Oliver lend assistance. Marie breaks 
her engagement. The predicament of Rufus. His backslid- 
ings enumerated. Help forthcoming. Julian on the war- 
path. O'Flynn does his duty. All off for the station house. 
The two flower girls. The startling apparitions of Rufus. 
Charlotte, Ruth and Marion discover things. Flight of 
Rufus. 

Act III. — Scene same as Acts I and II. Next morning. 
Dr. Cutler's aid needed. Account of the burglary in the 
morning newspapers. The ballet-dancer's disguise imperfect. 
Charlotte's confession and story of what she discovered. 
Rufus determines to investigate the robbery and other 
matters. Howard and Oliver home again. Dora's explana- 
tions. 

COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS. 

Rufus Fletcher. A short, elderly, retired merchant with 
partly bald, gray hair; side whiskers, ruddy complexion; 
wearing on first entrance checkered suit, smoking jacket, cap, 
spats, fancy tie and vest, eyeglasses. Later in same, over- 
coat, cane, derby, and suit-case. Act II. Same costume at 
rise, then lounging gown and red Turkish cap, and finally 
changing to masquerade costume. Act III. Wears business 
suit of Act I. Later lounging gown, towel about head, and 
has right foot well bandaged. 

Charlotte, his wife, a stern mannered, good sized woman 
about Fletcher's age, neatly dressed. The costumes for 
Acts I and II remaining the same, save the addition of hat, 
wrap and gloves. Act III. A neat house dress. 

Ruth Hunt. A pretty young woman about twenty, styl- 
ishly gowned throughout, adding hat, coat, gloves and parasol 
for Acts I and II. 

Marion Fletcher. A young woman of seventeen, stylishly 
dressed throughout, adding hat, coat and gloves during Act I 
and II. 

Howard Hunt. A young, smoothshaven author. A clean 
cut looking fellow, always nobbily dressed, except when 
changes are demanded during action of the farce. 

Oliver Pendel. A young musician with flowing hair 
combed back from brow, and a small moustache. Wears a 



4 Never Again. 

velvet coat, soft white shirt with turned down collar, flowing 
tie, and soft hat. Also such changes as called for during 
action. 

Doctor Cutler. A middle aged physician with moustache 
or beard, wearing frock coat, silk hat, and carrying a leather 
case, small writing pad and pencil. 

Marie. A pretty French maid, wearing a simple dress in 
Act I, with jacket, hat and gloves, and carrying a valise on 
first entrance. Later removes jacket and hat, and wears a 
waist with short sleeves and neat white apron. Act II. A 
pretty masquerade costume representing a flower-girl. Uses 
no dialect. 

Dora. Also a pretty maid, wearing black dress with short 
skirt and sleeves, and a neat white apron. Act II. A 
masquerade costume representing a flower-girl. 

Julian Beaulieu. A dark skinned, dark haired French- 
man with fiery manner about him. Wears ordinary street 
clothes, except slight changes required during action. 

Otto Stein. A yellow haired, smoothshaven, ruddy com- 
plexioned German from an American warship, presumably 
at anchor in the harbor. Wears a sailor suit and hat, and 
converses in broken English. Has a broad, silly grin on his 
face almost continually. 

Sergeant O'Flynn. A typical police officer wearing a 
sergeant's coat, trousers, hat, belt and shield. Can play 
straight, or use dialect as- desired. 

INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES. 

Dream-book and valise for Charlotte. Watch, pad and 
pencil for Cutler. Bunch of roses for Oliver. Handker- 
chief, wine-bottles, cigars, reference book and paper and 
bundles for Dora. Tray with dishes and eatables for Marie. 
Valise for Otto. Revolver for O'Flynn. Visiting cards, 
knife, matches, letter and paper box containing ballet dancer's 
costume for Julian. Plat, cane, overcoat, valise, watch, 
revolver and mask for Rufus. Hat and cane for Marion. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

As seen by a performer on the stage, facing the audience, 
R. means right hand ; l., left hand ; c, center of stage ; d. l. c, 
door in left center rear flat; r. 1 e., right first entrance; 
r. u. e., right upper entrance, l. 1 e., left first entrance. Up 
means toward back of stage; Down, toward footlights. 



NEVER AGAIN. 



ACT I. 



SCENE. — Dining-room in the home of the Fletchers. 
Morning. A pretty interior setting with d. l. c, leading 
to a hall, window with long lace curtains at hach r. 
Wardrobe against the wall, between window and d. l. c. 
Doors R. 1 E. and r. u. e. Door l. 1 e. Sideboard with 
table-cloth, plates, knives, forks, etc. against wall L. 
Table with fancy spread and three chairs R. c. Sofa l. c. 
Carpet and rugs down. Pictures on wall. Other 
furniture and bric-a-brac to dress. Empty stage at rise. 

ENTER Charlotte l. 1 e. she looks around, then over to 
R. 1 E. listens intently, then bach to l. 1 e. speaking off. 

Charlotte. Ifs all right, my dears; your father isn't 
around. 

ENTER cautiously Marion and Ruth l. 1 e. 

Ruth (is dressed for the street). Then you will follow us 
as soon as you can ? 

Charlotte. Yes, we will spend to-day and to-morrow with 
you. But your father must know nothing of our visit. 

Ruth (anxiously). Aren't you going to tell him? 

Charlotte. Didn't I tell you? No, it is better so. He 
certainly would not countenance it. You know how he de- 
tests your husband, Ruth. 

Ruth (sadly looking down). And all because he is a poor 
author. 

Charlotte. Your father has always regretted your mar- 
riage. He wanted you to marry some one of unlimited 
means. 

Marion (to Ruth). Don't you see, dear, dad thinks we 
are going to spend these two days with Aunt Hannah. 

5 



6 Never Again. 

Charlotte {Utterly). That old sour sister of his. 

KuTH. Shan't I say good-bye to him? 

Charlotte. I shouldn't. He may question you and be- 
come suspicious. Better leave things as they are. 

Marion (sadly). Ever since Oliver Pendel asked for my 
hand, dad's been suspicious of everything. 

Charlotte. Almost unbearable. Last night he dis- 
charged Dora, the best maid we've ever had 

Marion (pouting). Simply for delivering Oliver's letter 
to me. 

Charlotte. Then immediately retired to his bed in an 
awful temper and this morning had breakfast taken to his 
room. 

Ruth. Under the circumstances I'd better go at once. 
Now don't forget, we expect you. Howard, you know, will 
remain at home. (Then giving Marion a hug) There, 
there sister, don't lose hope. Love will triumph in the end. 
You will marry Oliver some day. Good-bye, dear. 

Marion (wiping eyes). Good-bye, Ruth. 

Ruth (hissing Charlotte). Good-bye, mamma. Good- 
bye, until noon, 

Charlotte. Good-bye, good-bye. 

[EXIT Ruth d. l. c. going l. 

(Note: In exits d. l. c, all characters should go off l.) 

Charlotte. What a shame we are so tyrannized over. 
To think that we have to plot and plan simply to pay a visit 
to your sister. 

Marion. My heart will break if papa continues his 
terrible 

Charlotte (patting her on shoulder). There, there, dear, 
you mustn't say anything for which you will later be sorry. 
Your dad, with all his faults, also has his good qualities and 
we — (Then quichly) Hush dear, here he comes. 

ENTER RuFus r. u. e. 

RuFUS. Well, what's up now? Why this bellowing? 
Changed your mind about the trip, eh? 

Charlotte. Hardly. We promised Aunt Hannah and 

RuFUS. I would rather you didn't go. Last night I had 
the most terrible dream. 

Charlotte (interested). Dream? Dream? 

RuFUS. Oh, I know I've always pooh-poohed that " Mystic 



Never Again. 7 

Science" nonsense of yours. Laughed at you when you 
returned from a seance and told me of all the strange goings 
on and such rot. {In deep trembling tones) But last night 
— last night! 

Charlotte {quickly). Wait a moment until I get my 
book. {Looks about. Then to Marion) Where is my 
" Mystic Dream Book " dear ? 

Marion {picking it up from sideboard). Here, mamma. 
{Hands to Charlotte) 

Charlotte {quickly turning pages. To RuFus). Yes, 
yes — 'go on — last night you what? 

RuFUS. I suppose Fm a fool to give in to your absurd 
belief this way — but last night I dreamt I saw that girl 
Dora, go into the laundry and her sailor lover shortly after 
followed her. {Then very mysteriously) So I stealthily 
tiptoed in after them 

Charlotte {interested). Yes, yes, go on — go on- 



RuFus. Hid behind the wash-tub and — in my dream of 
course— covered myself with a sheet and prepared to watch. 
Suddenly, Dora started to turn the wringer and horror upon 
horror, I was gradually dravni into the machine. 

Charlotte {gasps). Gracious! 

RuFUS. Can you imagine the sensation? Can you 
picture my despair? And the worst of it was, I didn't wake 
until she had rolled me out flat. 

Charlotte {solemnly repeating). Rolled you out flat. 
(Marion l. is trying to restrain her laughter) 

RuFUS {observing her. Sharply). Marion! 

Marion {quickly assuming serious expression). Yes, papa. 

RuFUS. I don't see anything to laugh at — in being rolled 
out flat. (Charlotte hurriedly turns pages of book. To 
Charlotte) . Now tell me what your confounded " Mystic 
Science" makes of that. 

Charlotte {repeating as she scans pages). "Rolled out 
flat "— " Rolled out flat." 

RuFUS {watching her. Sadly). Yes — very flat. 

Charlotte {disappointedly) . Alas, there's nothing in the 
book about " Rolling out flat." I don't think there's ever 
been any such dream before. 

RuFUS {angrily). What did I say? I always knew your 
" Mystic Science " was a fraud — a failure. {Suddenly seiz- 
ing her by wrist. Seriously) Do you know what I believe 
it signifies? 



8 Never AgAin. 

Charlotte (open-mouthed. Tremulously). N — o. 

KuFUS. I think the dream means that you will meet with 
an accident. 

Marion. And why us? Dad, the dream can signify noth- 
ing for us, since it was you who was rolled out. 

RuFUS (turning sharply on her). Then you don't care 
what happens to your father, do you? 

Charlotte. Marion didn't say anything of the sort, 
Eufus. Perhaps you'd better remain at home and i)ostpone 
your trip to Philadelphia. 

RuFus (with sarcasm). Yes, I can stay home. But you, 
— you are to gad about. (Emphatically) Mine, is an im- 
portant business trip. I've got to go. 

Charlotte. And we're going to Aunt Hannah's. We've 
given our promise. 

RuFUS (ahsent-mindedly) . Then don't blame me if you 
are rolled out — I mean, if something happens. 

Marion. You flew into such a rage last evening when you 
quarreled with Dora. 

Charlotte (reprovingly). Hush, dear. 

RuFUS. And didn't I have sufficient provocation? The 
idea ! Carrying letters back and forth between you and thia 
crack-brained piano tickler. 

Marion. I love Oliver Pendel and intend to marry him. 

RuFUS. Intend to follow your sister's example eh? 
(Sarcastically) There's another fine fellow! 

Charlotte. Indeed, your son-in-law is a gentleman. 

RuFUS (angrily). He's a fool! 

Marion. With excellent prospects. 

RuFUS. One can't live on prospects. He'll not get a 
penny of mine. (Pounding table) Not one penny, do you 
hear? not one penny! 

Charlotte. Rufus dear, don't take on so! 

RuFus (pounding tahle. Wildly). I'm the master in this 
household I My word is law ! If Marion marries this pauper 
Pendel, I'll disown her as I intend disowning her sister. 
I'll — (With uplifted hand. Marion is loudly sobbing) 

ENTER Cutler d. l. c. 

Doctor Cutler. Good morning. (Then observing them) 
"Beg pardon, I didn't know you were 

Rufus (changing tone). It's all right. Don't go. I was 
just explaining the many beauties of the Catskills where I 



Never Again. $ 

intend taking the family this summer. Marion doesn't seem 
to be pleased with the idea. 

Charlotte (her arms about Marion). The old monster! 

RuFUS (in assumed manner. To women). There, take 
your trip and think it over in the meantime. But do be 
careful not to catch cold in the carriage. Better take plenty 
of wraps along, my dears. 

Charlotte (aside). The villain! (Then to the Doctor) 
Hope you will pardon us. My daughter and I are going for 
a visit and should be making ready. 

Doctor (bowing). Certainly. 

RuFUS. Don't forget to take umbrellas and your rubbers. 
It may rain you know. 

fEXIT Charlotte and Marion l. 1. e. 

Doctor (digging Rufus in side). You old rogue! 

RuFUS (starts up). Eh? What? I don't see the joke! 

Doctor. My dear Rufus. What a temper! I overheard 
the whole affair. 

Rufus. You did ? Oh, Lor'. Well, I won't let her marry 
an upstart and that settles it. You received my message? 

Doctor. Certainly. Else why would I have called? 

Rufus (sighs). My dear doctor, I fear I'm not long for 
this world. I believe it to be heart failure. 

Doctor (feeling his pulse). Gout — more likely. (Con- 
sulting watch as he holds his wrist) Fletcher, you're an old 
fool. 

Rufus (starts). Eh? What's that? 

Doctor. I repeat, an old fool! (Then coolly continuing) 
You've a splendid wife, charming daughters, lots of money 
and still you make your life miserable. You rule the family 
and servants like a tyrant. You are on bad terms with your 
son-in-law, and poor Mr. Pendel who is in love with Marion, 
has been shown the door. 

Rufus. If I had my way, he'd been shown this foot. 
(Refers to r. foot) Are you through? 

Doctor. Perhaps you expect a prince to marry your 
daughter? (Releases his wrist and returns watch to pocket) 

Rufus. Possibly, who can tell. 

Doctor. Young Pendel has a future and is a man of 
excellent character and habits. (C ommandingly) Hold out 
your tongue. (Rufus obeys. Looking at tongue) That 
will do. Just as I thought. (Then tapping him significantly 
on shoulder) You've got to let up, old man. 



JO Never Again. 

RuFUS {puzzled). Let up what? 

Doctor. Giving those little dinner parties. Attending 

French balls. . ^ ^ u l n o rM, 

RuFUS {surprised). Dmner parties? Irench balls f Un 
Lor' did you hear about that affair night before last too ? 

Doctor {winking, and digging him in side). That was a 
pretty girl you took to the supper. 

RuFUS {glancing nervously about). Good gracious! 

Doctor. I've found out her name is Katherine — Kitty for 
short and that you called her Puss. 

RuFUS {embarrassed). Surely doctor, you don't believe 
that story. 

Doctor {laughingly, as he tahes pad and pencil from 
pocket and begins to write). What an old reprobate you are! 
It wasn't quite fair, however, to give your name as Howard 
Hunt. 

RuFUS. A mere slip of the tongue, my dear doctor, a 
mere slip of the tongue. My son-in-law's name has been 
foremost in my mind since he married Ruth and when Puss 
—{Quickly) when the young lady asked me my name— his 
was the only one I could thinly of. A natural mistake. 

Doctor. Yet think of the consequences if your daughter 
should ever hear of it? 

RuFus. Think of the consequences, had I given my own 
name. {Then angrily) Everyone will know the truth if 
you keep on blabbing. 

Doctor. I was interested. Sat at the opposite table and 
saw the entire proceeding. Have you met Miss Puss — 
rather. Miss Katherine since that evening? 

RuFUS. No — and I don't want to either. I'd had a bottle 
or two more than was good for me, {Meekly) and suppose I 
did play the fool. But please, please — let's hear no more of 
the whole distasteful matter. 

Doctor. Since you wish it. {Banding him prescription) 
Take this three times a day. Nothing seriously wrong, you 
know, {Going up to d. l. c.) — only I'd advise no more supper 
parties or French balls, for a time at least. {Going) Good 
morning. [EXIT D. l. c. 

RuFUS {angrily shouting after him). Good morning! 
{Still seated at l. of table) Confound it! Why did he see 
me that evening? And why does he concern himself about 
Puss — I mean Kitty — Katherine — Miss Katherine? Why 
can't a fellow take a pretty girl to supper? And she cer- 



Never Again. tt 

tamly was pretty. (Smiles broadly — then finally consults 
watch. Starts up) By Jove, I'll have to be getting ready. 
Time and the train wait for no man. (At r. 1. e.) But that 
awful dream! To be rolled out flat! Brrrrr! It gives me 
a chill every time I think of it. (Long whistle heard off) 

[EXIT R. 1. E. 

ENTER Dora l. 1. e. 

Dora (glances quicTcly about, then over to window). I 
thought so. It's Mr. Pendel to see Miss Marion. (Waves 
handkerchief; then cautiously to r. 1. e. Listens) I do 
hope the old fire-eater doesn't come out. (Listens again) 
Not a sound. What can he be doing? 

ENTER Olivier d. l. c. carrying bouquet of roses. 

Oliver. Dora, are you alone? 

Dora (warning him). Take care, Mr. Pendel. The 
master hasn't left yet. 

Oliver- But I thought you said 

Dora. He was to have gone to Philadelphia but seems to 
have changed his mind. 

Oliver (coming nearer). Dora, you are truly my good 
fairy — my 

Dora. Oh, but I can't help you any longer. The master 
discharged me because I gave your letters to Miss Marion. 

Oliver. The heartless wretch! (Sadly) And I am the 
cause of your dismissal? 

Dora. Oh, don't let that worry you. I shouldn't have 
remained in his service very much longer anyway. But I've 
news for you. (Nearer to him) Madam and Miss Marion 
are supposed to visit their Aunt Hannah but instead will 
spend two days at the Hunts. 

Oliver. Good ! Howard is an old friend of mine and I'll 
have a great opportunity of meeting Marion. (Hands Dora 
bouquet) These are for Marion. See that she gets them. 
But can't I see her now — before I go? 

Dora (anxiously). No, no, you'd better not risk it. The 
master will 

ENTER RuFUS r. 1. e. suddenly; having exchanged smoJcing 

jacket for coat. 

RuFus. Hello, what's this ? (Dora anc? Oliver confusedly 
face him. To Oliver) You here again? 



12 Never Again. 

Oliver (nervously). No, sir — that is — yes, sir. 

RuFUS (roaring). What do you want? 

Oliver (trembling) . I only came to see Dora here — ^that 
is — you, sir. 

RuFus. Me? I've got nothing to say to you, sir. 

Oliver. I thought perhaps you might have reconsidered 
your determination 

RuFUS (furiously). Reconsidered nothing, sir. I've no 
time to talk to you. Begone ! Out of my house ! Get out ! 

Oliver (at d. l. c). Very well, sir. But remember this. 
You can never break the love between Marion and myself. 
Good day, sir. [EXIT d. l. c. 

RuFus. Impudent jackanapes! (To Dora) Gave you 
another letter for Marion, I suppose? 

Dora (holding hands out to him). You suppose wrong, 
sir. 

RuFUS (surprised). Wrong, eh? (Observing flowers) 
Roses! Roses! How I hate them! (Snatches bouquet 
from her, throwing it angrily on table) Lovers aren't men 
— they're fools! (Then to Dora) What's that in your 
pocket ? 

Dora. My reference book. (Takes booh from pocJcet of 
apron) 

RuFUS. Let me have it. (Taking it) I discharged you 
yesterday, why have you not gone? 

Dora. Miadam told me to stay until the new girl arrives. 

RuFUS (grumbling). So that's it, eh? (Turning pages 
of reference book) Well, Fll give you a reference. 

Dora (joyfully). Oh, will you, sir? How kind. And I 
hope, Mr. Fletcher you will remember how faithfully I've 
served you the past three years. 

RuFUS (looking at her). Oh, I haven't forgotten any- 
thing. (Looking at her over glasses) You won't deny you 
have a sailor sweetheart. 

Dora. Oh, no, sir, and I love Otto very much. 

RuFUS (roaring). Love! Bah! The very word sickens me. 
You won't deny either that you've had a different sailor 
sweetheart every fortnight? 

Dora (blushingly) . Oh, no, sir, only as each new ship 
came in, sir. 

RuFUS. And you can't deny, that despite my orders, you 
delivered Mr. Pendel's letters to my daughter, Marion. 

Dora. I'm proud to say I did, sir. 



Never Again. 13 

RuFUS. Very well. (Writes in hooJc) 

Dora (intently watching him. Aside). It^s kind of him 
to furnish the reference. I didn't think he would. 

RuFUS (handing hooJc to her). Here's your reference. 
Now scat! begone! clear out! 

Dora (overjoyed). Oh, thank you, sir. Very good of 
you. (Looking at hooh) I shan't forget your kindness, sir. 
(Then suddenly starting) What's this? "Frivolous and 
sly?" (Sharply to Rufus) Why, sir, this is most unfair. 
(Ready to cry) I'll never get another position with this 
reference. 

Rufus. The reference is very just. 

Dora. Do you call (reading) "Frivolous and sly" as 
being just? How can you say such a thing? (Reading 
angrily) "Frivolous and sly." This is very wrong, sir! 
(Stamping foot) It is false! 

Rufus. It is the truth! And you will stop this racket 
immediately or I'll call an officer. 

Dora (hrohenly). Call your old officer! Call anything 
you like ! You have no right to say I'm " frivolous and sly." 
I will sue you ! I will tell my future husband 

Rufus (quickly to window). Shall I call the officer? 

Dora (at door l. 1. e. waving fist threateningly). I will 
have my revenge! [EXIT L. 1. e. 

Rufus (coming down, looking after her). Revenge? 
Revenge? Where have I heard that word before? (Suddenly 
Oh Lor', the dream! Brrrr! The wash- wringer ! I'm to be 
assassinated! It's all coming true! I'm to be rolled out 
flat! 

ENTER D. L. c. Charlotte and Marion, wearing coats and 
hats and putting on gloves. 

Charlotte (to Rufus). Haven't you gone yet? 

Rufus (quickly consulting watch). Gone? By Jove 
that's so! I'd quite forgot. (Then quickly) But we can't 
all go away and leave the house without even a girl. 

Charlotte. The girl I engaged last evening should be 
here shortly. 

Rufus. Do you mean to say you hired a girl without con- 
sulting me? What sort of girl is she? 

Charlotte. Seems very desirable. Her name is Marie 
Dupree, a French girl, and comes highly recommended. 

Rufus. And you intend trusting our home to a perfect 



14 Never Again. 

stranger? (Dora cautiously opens door l. 1 E. and listens 
to following, unseen hy others) 

Charlotte. Well then, Dora can look after things while 
we are gone. 

E.UFUS {quickly). No, no, anyone but Dora. She may 
put a bomb in my bed. Charlotte, I never believed you 
capable of such carelessness. If this new girl is anything 
like the rest, I can picture her sitting with her sweetheart at 
the dinner table here {Pointing) and the fellow drinking my 
best wine and smoking my choicest cigars. (Dora unseen hy 
others, noiselessly withdraws) 

Charlotte {impatiently). Well then, if you are so 
suspicious why don't you stay here and watch her. 

RuFus. And lose a chance of selling my suburban lots? 
Not much! You women must have your hobble skirts and 
picture hats and I must supply the wherewithal. {Quickly 
consulting watch') By Jove, I've just fifteen minutes. {To 
Marion) Has the carriage arrived? 

Marion (up to window). I don't see a sign of it. 

RuFUS. Then I'll have to run for it. Quick, my hat, my 
coat, my cane, my suit-case! (Marion rushes off l. 1 e.) 

Charlotte {wildly). Where are they? Where are they? 
{Hurries off R. 1. E.) 

RuFus. Where they ought not to be, I suppose. Oh, I 
shall never make it and all because of the women folks. 

ENTER l. 1 E. Marion carrying his hat and cane. 

Marion. Here you are, dad. 

ENTER Charlotte r. 1 e. with his overcoat and valise. 

Charlotte. Hurry, Rufus, hurry. {Assists him with 
coat, so that l. sleeve goes over r. arm. Marion forces hat 
well over his eyes) 

Rufus {roaring). Will you make haste! Good-bye — 
good-bye. {Then looking for l. sleeve) Where's my other 
sleeve? {Then discovering mistake) Great Scott! Look at 
that! 

Charlotte {excitedly). I'll fix it — I'll fix it. 

Rufus {rushing toward d. l. c). It's too late. I haven't 
time! Good-bye, good-bye. Give my regards to Aunt 
Hannah! [EXITS d. l. c. in great confusion. 

Charlotte {sinks on sofa, Marion on chair, both sighing). 
OS at last. 



Never Again. 15 

ENTER L. 1 E. Dora, followed hy Marie, who is dressed for 

the street. 

Dora. The new girl ma'am. 

Charlotte {rising) Oh, I'm so glad you've come. Last 
night 1 told you all the principal things and whatever you 
do not understand, Dora will explain. {To Dora) You'll 
remain as you promised, until our return, won't you? 

Dora {reluctantly). Well since you ask it ma'am, yes. 

Charlotte. I'm so glad. {To Marie) If you'll follow 
me, 1 11 show you to your room, {followed hy Marie) 

-n /. -.r . [EXIT r. u. e. 

-Uora (fo Marion. In loud whisper). Miss Marion, Mr. 
rendel was here a little while ago. 
Marion {surprised). No! 

Dora. And I told him about your visit to your sister's. 
Marion. Good, dear Dora. 

ENTER Charlotte r. u. e. followed hy Marie. 

Charlotte {to Marion). Come Marion, the carriage is 
now waiting. {To Dora) When I get back I'll settle with 
you. 

Dora. Oh, that's all right, ma'am. {Starts toward d. l. c.) 
Charlotte. You needn't bother coming out. John has 

placed the valises in the carriage. {To Marion) Come 

Marion. {To others) Good-bye, good-bye. 

[EXIT D. L. c. 
Marion {at d. l. c. To maids). Good-bye. 

[EXIT D. L. c. 

Marie and Dora. Good-bye, good-bye. 

Dora {hurrying to window and looking out). There they 
are. ^ Now they're getting into the carriage ! And now 
they're off! {Waving handkerchief) Good-bye, good-bye. 
{Comes DOWN and sits on sofa. With sigh) Thank good- 
ness, the excitement is over! 

Marie {has heen looking ahout room). The family, ap- 
pears to be very comfortably situated. {Coming down to 
tahle and espying roses) What beautiful roses at this time 
of the year! {Breaks a rose from stem, goes to mirror of 
sidehoard and arranges in hair) 

Dora. Marion's flowers and I forgot to tell her about 
them! {To Marie) You can't imagine how glad I was 
when I discovered you were an old friend. 



z6 Never Again. 

Marie. Isn't it splendid! (Comes down) 

Dora. You'll manage to get on nicely here I'm sure. 
Madam is easy going and the daughter very good natured. 
She has a sweetheart, a musician, a piano teacher, a Mr. 
Pendel, but the old gentleman won't hear of them getting 
married. Mr. Pendel calls me his "good fairy" because I 
try to help him in his love making. 

Marie. It's just like a romance. 

Dora. Only there's nothing very romantic about the 
father. No one can get along with him. He's a perfect 
bear. Just see what he wrote in my reference book. (Hands 
it to her) Some day I mean to have my revenge. 

Marie (scanning page). Well that is a reference! But 
don't let it bother you. Follow my example. I expect to be 
married in the Spring. 

Dora (surprised). Married? 

Marie (proudly). Yep — to Julian Beaulieu. You must 
know him. 

Dora. I've heard a great deal of him. Lucky girl! Isn't 
he chef at the Hotel Grand? 

Marie. The same. Oh, he's awfully good hearted and 
has lots of money, only he's inclined to be awfully jealous 
(Glances at self in mirror) and can you blame him? 

Dora. I'm engaged too, but we've set no date for the 
wedding. Otto has a year longer to serve in the navy. 

Marie. He's a soldier? 

Dora. No, a sailor. You will see him shortly. His ship 
is in port and he's promised to carry my valise to my aunt's 
for me. If only he wasn't so forgetful. 

Marie. Forgetful ? 

Dora. Oh, he can't seem to remember figures, names or 
anything like that. (Bell rings helow) That's him now. 

[EXIT quickly D. L. c. 

Marie. Good, dear Dora. She deserves the best of men. 
(Looking around) I really do believe I'm going to like this 
place. 

ENTER Dora d. l. c. 
Dora. Come right in. 

ENTER D. L. c. Otto gingerly, carrying a valise. 
Otto. Here iss der luggage, Dora. Anyding else to go 
in? 
Dora. Just a few things. (Introducing him) Mr. Otto 



Never Again. 17 

Stein, my fiance. (Presenting Marie) My friend, Miss 
Marie Dupree. (Goes to wardrobe and takes out several 
aprons which she packs in valise) 

Otto (confusedly endeavors to he polite. Salutes). My 
dear Miss! 

Marie. Do you like navy life, Mr. Stein? 

Otto. Oh, dear, yes. (With hroad grin) I am der pride 
of der ship. 

Marie. You don't say. 

Otto. Ches, ma'am. Dey dink I am so cute. Miss Lena. 

Marie. My name is Marie. 

Otto. Ach ches^ Oxcuse me blease. (Salutes) My 
mistake. 

Dora (handing Otto valise). Here you are. Now you 
cgn take it. Do you remember aunt's address? 

Otto. Surely dearest Marie — aber I mean Dol-a. 

Dora (impatiently). Will you ever learn to get names 
straight. 

Otto. Sure. Only sometimes I git dem twisted. But I 
am getting much better den I was. (To Marie) I betcher 
I recommember your name. (With hroad grin) You are 
Minnie. 

Marie. Nothing of the kind. I'm Marie. 

Otto. Ach yes — Marie. Dot iss it. I knew it right 
away. 

Marie. You should endeavor to overcome your forgetful- 
ness. It's simply a matter of habit. 

Otto. Dot's shust vat der captain said, a matter of, of, 
of — veil vat you said. But I will try to be more careless 
from now on — for dot you have my personal assurance, 
(Bowing to Marie) Miss Gussie. 

Marie (stamping foot). My name happens to be Marie. 

Dora (perturhed). I do wish you'd go to my aunt's and 
return as quickly as you can. I may have something else for 
you to do. 

Otto. I go at once. (At d. l. c, saluting gallantly) I 
have been much pleased to meet you, Miss Marie. (Then 
clapping hands in triumph) See! Didn't I tell you my 
memory was improving? (To Dora) Farewell my beloved 
Anna 

Dora (stamping foot). Dora! Dora, you mean! 

Otto (confusedly), Ach ches, I should say, Dora! 

[EXIT D. L. o. 



x8 Never Again. 

Dora (hurying eyes in handherchief) . Isn't It dreadful? 

Marie {comforting her). There, there, he'll get over it. 
{Then to change the subject) Anyway, most men have 
some fault or other. Now there's my Julian. His is jealousy. 
{Quickly) Oh, and by the way, I left him waiting outside. 
{Quickly up to window) 

Dora {surprised). Left him outside? 

Marie {looking out of window). There he is, don't you 
see? Standing on the other side of the street. I didn't 
think the Missus would want me to begin my service im- 
mediately. 

Dora. Isn't he splendid! WTiy don't you have him come 
in? 

Marie. Oh. I wouldn't think of 

Dora. No one is at home. Go ahead. 

Marie {nervously). But if 

Dora. I have it. You motion him from the side window, 
and I'll let him in the basement way as I go out. 

Marie. Why you're not going 

Dora. Only to the store for a few things for luncheon. 
Go ahead. I want to get a good look at him. 

Marie. Very well, since you say it's all right. 

[EXIT r. u. e. 

Dora {looks o\it of window). Now why couldn't Otto be 
like him? I'd willingly trade Otto's memory for hia 
jealousy — {Crossing to L. 1 E.) and not get the worst of the 
bargain at that. [EXIT L. 1. E. 

ENTER D. L. c. RuFUS carrying suit-case with the lid open, 
his hat awry and dragging coat. 

RuFUS. I missed it ! Missed it by ten yards ! {Sinks on 
sofa removes hat and places it with cane on sofa heside him) 
And all on account of my wife ! I suppose the sale's off now. 
And to make matters worse, I'll have to put up here for the 
next two days and I confess at being afraid of that con- 
founded maid, Dora. She threatened revenge! {Rising) I 
have it. I'll join the family at aunt Hannah's. It'll be a 
surprise all around. Something they didn't expect. {Stops 
suddenly) What was that? I'm sure I heard voices. {To l. 1 
E. Listens) A woman's voice ! Dora's, and talking to a man ! 
{Starts) A hired assassin no doubt! She's lost no time! 
Now I know ! She intends to clean the place out. Rob us of 



Never Again. 19 

our silverware. Everything! (Over to R. 1 E.) My 
revolver! I must at least be armed! [EXIT R. 1. E. 

ENTER Marie r. u. e. 

Marie. He saw my signal and answered it. (Hurries 
toward l. 1. e.) 

ENTER L. 1. e. Julian just as Marie is about to EXIT. 

Julian. Marie ! 

Marie. Julian! Come right in. The family has gone 
out of town for two days. 

Julian. Yes, the other young lady told me everything. 
But tell me, it won't prevent our going to the masquerade 
ball? 

Marie. Certainly not. My flower dress is finished and in 
the top of my trunk. 

Julian. Splendid. Your friend can take care of the 
house while you are gone. My costume will surprise you. 

Marie. You'll stay for lunch of course? 

Julian. I should like to, but my appointment at the 
market. I'm long overdue already. 

Marie. I'm so sorry. 

Julian. If by any good fortune I can arrange to finish 
my buying for the hotel sooner than I expect, I'll return. 
At any rate, I'll call in time to take you to the ball. 

Marie. Very well. 

Julian (seriously). But Marie. Promise, promise me, 
there'll be no recurrence of the other night. 

Marie. Old jealous ! (Laughs) Referring to the supper 
with that old gentleman? 

Julian (bitterly). Howard! Howard! His name rings 
in my ears by day — ^by night. Paugh! I could kill him! 

Marie (laughing). It was just a lark. I've never seen 
him since. 

Julian. Then please Marie, never see him again. The 
fellow seemed positively in love with you. 

Marie. I promise. 

Julian (warmly). My own darling Marie. And now 
good-bye, I really must be off. (At d. l. c.) 

Marie. Wait Julian. I'll see you to the door. Remem- 
ber, I expect you at eight sharp. 

Julian. At eight sharp, my dear. 

[EXIT with Marie d. l. 0. 



to Never Again. 

RuFUS (opens door r. 1 e. and cautiously pohes head out). 
Gone! (Then ENTERS with a large, old-fashioned revolver 
in hand) Only Dora^s sweetheart! Too bad I couldn't hear 
what they said. But her voice sounded strangely different. 
(Sound of slamming of outer door — heard off) There! her 
lover's gone! I must change my plan a bit. (Sits on sofa 
and secretes revolver on person) I'll take her by surprise. 
I'll sit here like a statue till she comes back. (Chuckling) 
I'm in Philadelphia, am I? I'll wager she faints! 

ENTER D. L. c. Marie unconsciously, then coming c. sud- 
denly spies RuFUS, gives a start. 

Marie. A man! (Rufus turns to her. Staggered) 
Howard ! 

Rufus (rising. In surprise). Puss! Kitty! Katherine, 
I mean! 

Marie (nervously). Tell me, how did you get here? 
^ Rufus (nervously). You might answer the same ques- 
tion. 

Marie. I'm the new maid. Kitty is only my Sunday 
name. My right name is Marie. (Indignant) You had 
no right to come here. I told you the night of the supper 
we must never meet again; that I was engaged to another. 
But you wouldn't listen. 

Rufus. Wouldn't I? (Aside) 1 must have been pretty 
far gone. 

Marie (going nearer to him). Howard, do be sensible. 
Do not try to break the tie between my sweetheart and my- 
self. 

Rufus (drawing away). I don't want to break anything. 

Marie. Oh, thank you. (Quickly to window, looking off) 
I do hope Julian's gone. 

Rufus. So do I. (Aside) I'll go to the employment 
agency at once; she must quit this house immediately. 
(Revolver in hand, cautiously edges toward l. 1 e.) 

Marie (turning). Howard! You are pale— trembling ! 
(Then, gives a cry) That revolver! (Quickly over to him, 
catching his arm) Pray do nothing rash! You must not 
go away in that frame of mind. You mustn't commit 
suicide ! 

Rufus (nervously). Eh? What suicide? (Endeavoring 
to break her hold) Kitty, you must let me go. 



Never Again. dZ 

Marie (struggling with him). No, no, dear Howard, for 
my sake, do nothing for which you will be sorry. 

RuFus (protesting). Please let me go! 

Marie (wildly throwing arms about his neck). Not unless 
you promise. 

RuFus. Oh Lor', I promise you anything! Anything! 
(Dora wearing hat and jacket and carrying a numher of 
small paper bundles in her arms, ENTERS door l. 1 e. ofc- 
serving them, gives a scream, and drops bundles. RuFUS 
draws away in confusion) Dora! 

Marie (drawing r.). Don't be frightened, Dora. (Intro- 
ducing Rufus) This is my friend, Howard Hunt. 

Dora. Your friend, Howard Hunt? (Rufus nudges 
Marie) 

Marie (not heeding him). We met at the French ball 
night before last. (To Rufus) Didn't we? 

Rufus (angrily). Yes — we didn't. 

Marie. And had supper together. 

Rufus (disconsolately sinking on sofa). It's all off now. 

Dora (looking down at the troubled Rufus). Had sup- 
per, eh? 

Marie (over to Dora). He's a very unhappy admirer. 
About to shoot himself for love of me, when you entered. 

Dora. Is it possible! 

Marie (looking at Rufus). How pale you are, Howard. 
(To Dora) Since Julian isn't able to lunch with us, sup- 
pose we invite Howard to stay. 

Dora (amused). Splendid — ^splendid! 

Rufus (rising. Excitedly). No, no, I can't stay. 
Couldn't think of it. 

Marie. It would be positively inhuman to let you go 
out in your present excitable condition. (Crosses to r.) 

Dora (to Rufus. With sarcasm). Can't you really, 
really stay, Howard? (Then looking him squarely in eye. 
Firmly) Better think it over. (Then after effective pause, 
turns to L.) 

Rufus (nervously). Her revenge. My dream is coming 
true. 

Dora (slowly turning). Well, have you decided what to 
do? Go or stay? 

Rufus (nervously, looking at her an instant). Really, I 
believe I'll have to stay. (Sinks on sofa) 

Marie. Good. I'll run and get lunch ready. Meanwhile 



as Never Again. 

you can entertain Howard. You'll find him excellent com- 
pany. [EXIT L. 1 E. 

Dora {looking at Kufus). So you'ro Howard Hunt and 
one of Marie's admirers? 

RuFUS (with forced laugh). It's all a joke, Dora. 

Dora. I dare say your wife will look upon it as a great 
joke. 

RuFUS. Oh Lor' — a misunderstanding then. 

Dora {folding arms). Mr. Fletcher do you know you are 
very frivolous and sly? 

RuFUS {aside). My very words! {Indignant) How dare 
you? {Rising) 

Dora {in commanding tones, pointing to sofa). Sit 
down! (RuFUS sits quickly) I thought you went to 
Philadelphia. 

RuFUS {sadly). I wish I had. {Rising) The fact is, I 
missed the train. 

Dora {pointing). Sit down! (Rufus sits quickly) 
Missed the train, eh? A likely story. You are a fine one 
to give the references of others. You who hold secret meet- 
ings with young ladies and then seek to cover your actions 
by using your son-in-law's name! 

Rufus {rising). But I 

Dora {pointing). Sit down! 

1R,VFVS {sits. Sadly aside). My dream! My dream! I'm 
being rolled out flat! 

Dora. I will tell Marie of your actions and then I'll go 
directly to your wife 

Rufus {pleadingly). No, no, my dear 

Dora {sharply). Don't dear me. 

Rufus {apologetically). Of course not, Dora. I wouldn't 
think of such a thing. {Rising quickly) I have it. You 
shall have another reference — the best one ever written and 
two new dresses to boot; and I'll see that you get a fine 
position. Only don't breathe a word of this to anyone. If 
you do — {Falls limply on sofa) — Oh Lor'. 

Dora. And you no longer think me frivolous and sly? 

Rufus. Alas, my dear — how could I? 

Dora. Very well, I promise to hold a quiet tongue. 

Rufus. And my wife — {Anxiously) — and Puss, I mean 
this confounded girl, Marie ? 

Dora. Will never know the truth— on one condition. 

Rufus. Yes, yes 



Never Again. 23 

Dora. That you will not betray yourself and that during 

the luncheon 

RuFUS. Must I lunch with you? 

Dora {continuing) . You will be just as jolly as possible. 
RuFus. Me? Jolly? I won't do it! I refuse to be jolly! 
Dora. Here comes Marie. Remember the condition. 

ENTER L. 1 E. Marie carrying tray with dishes and eatahles, 

Marie. Did you think I'd never come? 

Dora. Hardly missed you. 

Marie. Didn't I say Howard was good company. (Sets 
tray on sideboard) Come, Dora, and help me. 

Dora. Certainly. And Howard will help us too. 

RuFUS (roaring). What, me? Never! Never! Never! 

Dora (pointing to table. Firmly). Draw the table out 
here. (Indicating c.) And place the chairs! (Then as 
RuFus hesitates. Stamping foot) Do you hear me? 

RuFUS (sheepishly). Yes, ma'am. (Obeys) 

Marie (coming down with table-cloth. To RuFUs). 
Howard dear, do you still feel so downcast? 

Dora. Of course not, Marie. He's been laughing all the 
while, (To Rufus) haven't you? (Then sharply) Why 
don't you laugh? (Nudges him) 

RuFUS (with forced laugh). Ha, ha — ha, ha! I am laugh- 
ing! Ha — ha! (Marie has spread table-cloth and brought 
down plates) 

Dora (assists in setting table). We'll soon be ready now. 

RuFUS (well DOWN R. Aside). Good heavens, if I should 
be discovered at luncheon in my own house with the hired 
girls! Serves me right. It all comes from writing that 
miserable reference. 

Marie (finally, to Rufus, indicating chair bach of table). 
Now we're ready. Will you sit here, Howard? 

Rufus (meekly). Yes, ma'am. (Gingerly sits) 

Dora. Oh wait! We must treat our guest to some wine. 
I nearly forgot! (Over to sideboard) 

Rufus (aside). Worse and worse. 

Marie (sits chair r. of table). Isn't Dora a nice jolly 
girl ? 

Rufus (sadly). Oh, yes, very jolly. 

Dora (coming down with two wine bottles and a cigar 
tax). Here we are. 



d4 Kever Again. 

Marie (laughingly relieving her of hottles and heginntng 
to pour in glasses). That's something like it. 

Dora (opening cigar box and offering to RuFUs). Surely 
Howard you will smoke? 

RuFus. But 

Dora. No buts, Howard (Offering hox) — cigars! (RuFUS 
gingerly takes one finally) Now light it. (Rufus lights 
cigar) 

Marie (laughing, watching). Smoke before lunch, Dora? 

Dora (to Marie). You will see my object in all this 
presently. (To Rufus) Is it lit? 

Rufus (meehly. Puffing on cigar). Yes, ma'am. 

Marie (handing Rufus a glass of wine. To Dora). 
Really, Dora, I'm greatly amused. What next? 

Dora (sets chair l. of table). Now I'll tell you. This 
morning, the master had a row with the missus and among 
other things said he was positive the new girl, Marie, would 
soon be sitting at this very table, entertaining her sweet- 
heart at luncheon and giving him his finest wine and 
choicest cigars. (Slapping Rufus on bach) Come true, 
hasn't it? 

Rufus (dropping cigar from mouth). True? Too true I 

Marie. Is it possible the master is as cross as you say? 

Dora. Cross? Well, when I compare him to our gentle 
guest here, I see a difference of night and day. (A loud 
hnoch heard on door without) 

Dora (jumps up). Who can that be? 

Marie. It's Julian, I'll wager! My fiance! 

Dora. The fellow who is so jealous? 

Marie. Yes and if he finds you here. (Pointing at 
Rufus) he will be furious. 

Dora. Very likely kill you! 

Rufus (groans). Kill me? Oh Lor'. 

Marie. I mustn't keep him waiting. (Hurries d. l. c.) 
You must hide somewhere. [EXIT D. L. C. 

Dora. Quick! Under the table. 

Rufus (protesting). Under the table? But 

Dora (firmly). Under the table. 

Rufus. Oh, unhappy man! (Gets under table) 

Dora. I'll let you know when the coast is clear. (Then 
tiptoes to L. 1 e.) Everything is coming my way. I think 
I'll just drop Oliver Pendel a note before all the fun is over. 
I'll tell him to come at once and bring Mr. I^unt with him 



Never Again. 35 

as the happiness of both depends upon it. If I sign it 
" Your little fairy," they'll be sure to come and I'll have 
revenge in plenty. Otto — ^yes, Otto, shall be nay messenger! 

[EXIT L. 1 E. 

ENTER D. L. c. Julian, carrying a paper-hox and followed 

hy Marie. 

Julian. My dear Marie! Such luck! I was able to post- 
pone my buying until to-morrow. I brought my costume 
with me so I won't have to go home again. We can leave 
for the masquerade to-night direct from here. (Places box 
alongside sofa) 

Marie (nervously), I'm so sorry. 

Julian (surprised). Sorry? 

Marie (quickly). Glad I mean, glad! But Julian, you 
can't remain here. 

Julian. Eh? and why not? I thought you said the 
family 

Marie. Oh, I can't explain now. 

Julian (looking at table). Did I frighten your girl friend 
away? (Then suddenly) Hello, the table's set for three! 
and there are cigars! 

Marie (quickly). Yes, for Dora's fiance. He is here — or 
was here. Is very bashful you know. Belongs to the navy 
— a sailor! Please do go and call again next week — I mean 
at eight o'clock. 

Julian (reluctantly). As you wish. (Then espying 
RuFUs' derby and cane on sofa) Eh, what's this? (Taking 
up derby) Perhaps you call this a sailor's cap! (Picking 
up cane) And this his gun! (Throwing them aside) You 
are deceiving me! 

Marie (wildly). No, no, Julian. 

Julian (roaring, as he paces up and down). There is a 
man hidden somewhere! 

RuFUS (pokes head from beneath table-cloth). You bet 
there is! (Immediately withdraws head) 

Julian (pacing). Your friend Howard Hunt, no doubt! 

Marie (imploringly). Please Julian — please listen to 
reason. 

Julian. I'll listen to no one. The time for action has 
arrived. I intend to kill the blackguard. I'll tear him to 
pieces, limb by limb! (Glances off each door r.) Not 
there! Not there! (Then suddenly observing that table 



jt6 Never Again. 

moves) Whafs that? (Lifting table-cloth and drawing 
EuFus from beneath) At last! At last! My rival! I^t 
me get a good look at you! {Then as Rufus rises) As I 
live, Howard Hunt! 

Marie (wringing hands). Yes, my cousin Howard Hunt! 

Julian (wildly). No, this is the fellow of the French 
ball ! At last we are face to face ! 

Rufus (thoroughly alarmed). Help! Help! (Crosses 
to L.) 

Julian (rolling up sleeves attempts to get at him; Marie 
catching him by coat-tails) You thought to steal my Marie 
from me, eh? 

Marie. Spare him, Julian, spare him for my sake! 

Rufus (meekly). Spare me for my own sake. 

Julian (angrily). For nobody's sake! You have got to 
die! 

ENTER l. 1 E. Dora. 

Dora. What has happened? 

Rufus (getting behind Dora). You're just in time, Dora, 
to save me from this madman! (Crouches tremblingly be- 
hind her) 

Julian (struggling to break Marie's hold). You are one 
great big coward! (Throws handful of cards in air) My 
card ! I intended to settle with you here but I will spare the 
ladies the awful sight. We will meet again before long, for 
I will be waiting for you on the outside. Revenge — sweet 
revenge will be mine! (Breaks Marie's hold and starts for 
D. L. c. Rufus same time quickly crosses to r.) 

Marie (quickly up to Julian. Sobbingly). Julian! 
Julian! don't go! Let me explain! Let me explain! 

Julian (at door). Away, deceitful woman! Away! 
Away! (Casts her off, so that she spins around several times 
and DOWN to Rufus) 

Marie (fainting in Rufus' arms). Julian! Julian! 

Julian (pointing at Marie). Now, sir, you can have her! 
She's yours! yours forever! [EXIT d. l. c. 

Rufus (struggling with Marie). But here! Hold on! I 
don't want her either I (Dora is laughing heartily at 

BUFUS) 

CURTAIN. 



Never Again. 2^ 



ACT II. 



Scene. — The same as Act I. Afternoon. White table- 
cloth still on table, also a number of empty wine bottles; 
but dishes have been removed. DISCOYEEED, Rufus, 
with hair disheveled, collar unbuttoned and a glass of 
wine in hand, seated chair back of table. Dora and 
Marie, seated on either side of table. 

Rufus (waving glass, sings). Tra la, tra la, tra la la la la ! 
I never was so happy! (Then gives a cheer) Whoopee! 
Hurrah! Three cheers for my dear Dora and Marie! (All 
cheer lustily and laugh) 

Marie (anxiously). Come, we'd better give up now. We 
must clear the table. 

Rufus. No, no, what's the hurry? Let's, hie — ^have an- 
other bottle of wine. 

Dora. You've had enough already. Besides, you'll very 
shortly have to meet friend Julian. 

Rufus. And who the Dickens is he? 

Dora. Don't you remember the man who threatened to 
tear you to pieces? 

Rufus (laughing). Oh, yes, that funny fellow (hic) 
(Seriously) When we meet again, I'll pull his nose and— 
(Then to Marie, soberly) Is he still watching the house? 

Marie (looking from window). Pacing up and down on 
the other side becoming more furious each moment. 

Rufus. By Jove, the fellow probably does mean business 
after all. I'm in a pretty stew. I can't leave my own house 
for fear of him and I ought not to remain here with the girls. 
But what do I care what my wife says ? Hic, I'm the boss ! 
What do I care about anything! (Starts to sing) Tra la, 
tra la, tra la la la la. 

Marie (clearing table). Please don't sing. 

Dora (slyly). No, to-night will be time enough for that. 

Rufus (puzzled). To-night? 

Dora. Yes, at the masquerade ball. 

Rufus. Am I going to the masquerade ball? 

Dora. And promised to take us with you. 

Rufus (looking from one to the other). Both of you/ 

Dora. Both of us. 



^ Never Again. 

Marie. Since Julian acted so ungentlemanly, I feel I 
ought to go just to spite him. 

Dora. When he sees you with another escort, it will 
probably bring him to his proper senses. 

RuFUS. I can't go in these togs. How about a costume? 

Marie {handing him Julian's paper box). Wear Julian's. 
It will make him all the more furious. 

EuFus. All the more furious? Won't that be nice? 
(Rising) Well, I don't care what happens to me now. Hie, 
I guess I'll snooze a bit if I'm to go out to-night. My doctor 
advised me to — hie — take things very easy. (Over to r. 1 E.) 
And I intend to — hie — follow his advice to the letter. 

Marie. You poor old man. 

RuFUS (indignant). Eh, what's that? Who's an old man? 
(Straightening up) I'll have you distinctly understand I'm 
as old as — hie — I feel (Then sadly placing hand on fore- 
head, groaning) — and I feel like thirty cents. 

[EXIT r. 1 E. 

Dora (to Marie). Isn't he the old 

Marie. Please, Dora, don't. Howard isn't young and 
handsome but he at least has a nice disposition. 

Dora. Surely you've not fallen in love with him? 

Marie. Certainly not. I'll be true to Julian. But 
Howard is a perfect gentleman and seems to come of a good 
family. (Anxiously) Is he rich? 

Dora. Does nothing but cut coupons. 

Marie. Then you know him! 

Dora. And his wife as well. 

Marie (surprised). His wife? Is he married? 

Dora. Assuredly and you know the lady too. 

Marie. I know her? 

Dora. Certainly, you are now in her employ. 

Marie. You don't mean that Mrs. Fletcher is Howard's 
wife? 

Dora. I mean this Howard really isn't Howard at all but 
Rufus Fletcher, your employer. 

Marie (sinking on sofa with a gasp). My employer? 

Dora. Who has masqueraded under his son-in-law's 
name. 

Marie. This is monstrous. But why didn't you tell me 
before ? 

Dora. Because I mean to teach him a lesson. He should 
have been to court for the reference he gave me, but I think 



1 



Never Again. 99 

when I'm through with him, the lesson will have been the 
more impressive. To-night, at the masquerade, I'll order six 
bottles of wine and make him pay for them. 

Marie. Do you for one moment imagine I'll go to the 
ball to-night? Never! I wouldn't dare face the missus. 
I'll leave the house at once. 

Dora. Oh you mustn't spoil everything. YouVe got to 
go to the ball. Besides, in a few moments, they will be here. 

Marie. Who ? 

Dora. The real Howard and Mr. Pendel, Marion's fiance. 
I have sent for them and they will discover everything. 

Marie. Dora, what in the world are you up to? When 
Mrs. Fletcher discovers 

Dora. She need never know of the whole affair. I only 
want to show him up. I'm going to make the master as 
meek as a lamb ; put him on good terms with his son-in-law ; 
compel his consent to Miss Marion's marriage; make him 
buy both our wedding trousseaus and finally give me the 
best of references. 

Marie. How will you ever manage it? 

Dora. It's partly managed already. Wait and see. 
(Suddenly) Hello, Otto. I recognize his martial footstep. 

I gave him a key so that he could 

ENTEE Otto d. l. c, Otto saluting. 

Otto. Dear Dora, I have delivered your message. Both 
gentlemen are on the way. 

Dora (anxiously). What did they say? 

Otto. All I could recommember vas, " all right, we come. 
But dey had a fine time explaining dings to der women folks. 
Ven I vas waiting on der corner for der trollops car, all of 
a sudden, I vas surrounded by der females who asked me 
may be a hundred questions in der same breath. Dey 
wanted to know vat was in der note. I had to tell some 
good excuses, so I said, "Ladies, nodding is der matter. 
Don't be a bit skeered. It was simply a note from an old 
man, who seemed to be in need or dying or something like 
dot. Dey all gave a holler den, und running away like 

dey had wings. . , ^ » j 

Dora (stamping foot). Gracious! Youve made a 

dreadful mess of it I'm afraid. 

Otto. Veil I did der best I knew how. 

Dora I'll hurry below and meet them and tell them 

everything. t^XIT L. 1 E. 



30 Never A^rain. 

Otto {starts after her). Ober Dora—blease — shust a 
minute. 

Marie. Oh Mr. Stein — who did you say was coming? 

Otto^ {halts L. Confusedly). Why, Mr. — Mr. Mr. 

{Thinking) Oh I can't dink of his name; und der other 
gentleman's name is Mr.— Mr.— Mr. {Then quichly) Oh 
I forgot dot too. One of der names means — swinging back 
und forth — like dot. {Illustrates with hand) 

Marie {repeating thoughtfully). Swinging back and 
forth. {Then quickly) I have it! A bell! 
Otto. ISTo — nodding like it. 
Marie. A tassel? 

Otto. No — in der same place. It swings back und forth 
in a clock. {Suddenly) Pendulums; dot's it! 
Marie. Pendel, you mean! 

Otto. By golly you hit der head on der nail. I knew it 
was someding like dot. 
Marie. And the other gentleman ? 

Otto {thinking). His name vas someding like shooting. 
Let me see— bullets? No. {Then slowly) Cannons? No. 
{Slowly) Warships? No. {To Marie. Irritated) Vat you 
call it when you got boots on und you are walking in der 
snow up to your ears ; a gun is under your arm, und rabbits 
are jumping all about you and you are trying to shoot one. 
Vat you call dot? 
Marie. Hunting. 

Otto {clapping hands together). Dot's der name. Hunt- 
ing. Mr. Hunting! 

Marie. Are you sure it isn't just plain Hunt? 
Otto. By golly, you are right again. Shust plain Hunt, 
so iss it. But I must be off. {Saluting) Good-bye, Miss 
Emmeline. 

Marie {stamping foot). Marie is my name 

Otto. Ach yes, Marie iss it. [EXIT l. 1 e. 
ENTER. Dora. d. l. c. followed by Howard and Oliver, 
both with hats in hands. 
Dora. Then you don't think Otto spoiled everything? 
HiOWARD. Not a thing. We had to go through a cross- 
examination before leaving 

Olr'er. But managed to keep from arousing their sus- 
picions. 

Howard. The only mistake was, in losing that con- 
founded letter. 



Never Again. 31 

Dora. You lost the note? 

Oliv'er. Yes, in the excitement, I dropped it somewhere 
in the garden. But it's all right. Not likely to be found. 

Howard {observing Marie). I presume this is 

Dora {presenting Marie). My friend Marie, who is the 
victim of the master's goings on. 

Marie. I am really not at fault. 

Howard. "We know that. The old fellow must be taught 
a lesson before he brings disgrace to the entire family. 

Marie. If the papers get hold of it {Ahout to cry) 

Oliver. Oh come now. It's not so terrible. Really 
a great big joke. I suggest we get more fun out of it, by 
getting the old man deeper in the mire. 

Dora. Hurrah for Mr. Pendel. Exactly my idea. But 
remember, Marie must have a trousseau. 

Marie. And so must Dora. 

Howard {reluctantly). But suppose 

Oliver {patting him on shoulder). Oh come, old chap, 
don't try to suppose too much. Be a good fellow and see 
the thing to a finish. 

Howard. I see the finish already. Well, then upon one 
condition. 

Oliver. And that? 

Howard. Everything must be kept a profound secret. 

Oliver. Oh, of course. We promise that for our own 
safety. 

Howard. Then out with your plan. 

Oliver. Well, in the first place, I suggest — that for the 
present old Fletcher remains Howard Hunt. 

Howard. I don't quite follow you. 

Oliver. Don't you see, no matter if he swears he is 
Fletcher, we will all of us insist that he is Howard Hunt. 

Howard. But who am I? 

Oliver. You can be old Fletcher. Don't you see? As 
soon as we have the old codger so deeply entangled he 
really doesn't know who he is, then comes the explosion. 
{Places hat on sideboard and picks up Rufus' smohing- 
jachet from chair) Here, put this on to start with. It 
will help the illusion. (Howard tahes off coat and places 
it on chair r. of table, then puts on jacJcet) 

Dora {handing him Turkish cap). And here^s the cap. 

Howard. Must I put that on too? 

Oliver. Sure thing. 



3a Never Again. 

Howard (placing it on head). I must be a sight. 
EuFUS (off R. 1 E.). Oh my head — ^my poor head. 
Marie. The master! Quick! We must hide. 
Dora (pointing r. u. e.). Go that way! That way! 
(EXIT Howard and Oliver r. u. e.) Come, Marie! 

[EXIT D. L. c. followed hy Marie. 

ENTER R. 1 E. RuFus, wearing a fancy lounging rohe and 
slippers, with a towel about his head. 

EuFUS. Oh my poor head — my poor head. I can't sleep. 
The room seems to be going around in a whirl. If I ever 
get over this attack — (Raising hand above head) — Never 
again! (Looking around) I wonder what time it is ? (Feel- 
ing for watch) I must have left my watch on the dresser. 
(Over to window) It's growing dusk. I'll wager it's — 
(Then starts) Hello! there's my French friend pacing up 
and down. I wonder if he really intends to assassinate me? 
Well, he'll not catch me stirring out until after dark anyhow. 
(Over to sofa) Dora's not such a bad sort after all. Funny 
how I misjudged that girl all the while. (Sits) 

ENTER L. 1 E. Marie. 

Marie. Oh dear Howard, there you are. You cannot 
imagine how I'm looking forward to the masquerade. 

RuFus. Yes, dear Puss — Kitty — Marie or whatever your 
name is; but remember you cannot return to this house. 

Marie. I quite agree with you. I have heard the most 
dreadful things about this Mr. Fletcher. He must be a 
regular tyrant. 

RuFUS. I suppose Dora told you all this? (Aside) I 
didn't misjudge her after all. (To Marie) On the contrary, 
Mr. Fletcher is a very fine gentleman and highly respected. 
But at the same time, I will get you another position. 

Marie (close to him). Oh Howard, how kind of you, and 
very likely I will accept your offer as I am free once more. 

RuFUS. Free? I don't understand. 

Marie. I've broken my engagement with Julian. 

RuFUS. Eh? 

Marie. I sent him a note telling him all was over and 
now I am free to enter into other matrimonial ties. 

RuFus. Oh Lor'! 

Marie. How well do I remember your words the night of 



Never Again. 33 

the Frencli ball. " I'll follow you to the ends of the earth," 
you said. (Close to him) And now I'll follow you to the 
altar. 

KuFUS (rising). Not if I know it you won't. My dear, 
I fear it will break your heart — but you must know the 
truth. I am already married. 

Marie (starts). Married! 

EuFUS. And further than that, I am not Howard or 
any other Hunt. I am Rufus Fletcher, the owner of this 
house. (Sighs in relief) By Jove! I'm glad that's over! 

Marie (laughing heartily). Isn't that great! 

Rufus (puzzled at her manner). Why do you laugh? 

Marie (laughing). I think its the funniest joke. Yotl 
Rufus Fletcher — you the owner of this house! 

Rufus (indignant). I swear I am. (Then looking l. 1 
E.) Ah, here comes Dora. Now know the truth. (ENTER 
L. 1 E. Dora) Dora, I have just told this young lady every- 
thing. Now please tell her who I am. 

Dora. Why, he is Mr. Howard Hunt of course. 

Rufus (starts). What? 

Marie. I told him he was joking, but no, he would have 
his way. 

Rufus (pacing up and down). I've had enough of this! 
I'm through, do you hear? Through! Get out, all of you! 
I am Rufus Fletcher, the master of this house, and I tell 
you all to get out! 

Dora (indignant). As for that we too have had enough! 
I know you to be Howard Hunt. As for Mr. Fletcher, I've 
known him for a number of years. If you persist in your 
foolish notion, I'll telegraph Mrs. Fletcher to return imme- 
diately and identify her husband. 

Rufus (protesting). No, ro, my dear Dora. I lost my 
head for the moment. I shan't do it again. I promise you. 

Dora. The next time you again pretend to be some one 
whom you are not, I'll send for the Missus. 

Rufus (groans). Oh Lor'. 

Mjvrie (close to him). Now, my dear, tell me honestly 
who you are. 

Rufus (glances at Dora; then angrily). I'm — I'm 
Howard Hunt — I suppose. 

Marie. I knew it — I knew it. 

Rufus (roaring). But I'll have you understand that 
this nonsense has got to 



34 Never Again. 

Dora. Hush, please be quiet. The master has Just come 
home. He's in there. (Points R. u. E.) 

E.UFUS (puzzled). Who is in there? 

Dora. The real Mr. Fletcher. So do be careful; don't 
make so much noise. (At d. l. c.) It would be dangerous to 
awaken him. What would he say if he found you here? 
(To Marie) Come, dear — come! 

EXIT D. L. c. followed hy Marie, laughing loudly. 

RuFus (up). She's giving me the ha ha! This is too 
much! (Pacing floor) Those girls will drive me crazy! 
Even now, I'm beginning to doubt who I really am. It's 
all that Dora's fault. She has me in her power. What shall 
I do? (Suddenly) I have it. I'll change my clothing, 
take an evening train for Philadelphia, and then if the 
girls tell their stories, I'll have an alibi ! I'll do it ! (Starts 
for R. 1 E.) 

ENTER R. u. E. Howard, wearing smohing-jacJcet and 
cap, quicMy confronting him. 

Howard. Well, sir, who are you? 

RuFUS (gasps) My son-in-law! 

Howard (looking at Rufus, then overjoyed). By Jove, 
it's Howard, my son-in-law! 

Rufus. What? 

Howard. At last you have come for a reconciliation. 

Rufus. Am I going mad? 

Howard. I've said to myself hundreds of times — " Rufus 
Eletcher, you're an old fool to be quarreling with such a 
fine son-in-law " 

Rufus (aside). He is wearing my jacket, my cap, my 

Howard (continuing). But everything is now forgiven 
and forgotten, Howard, come to my heart. (Throws arms 
about Rufus) 

Rufus (drawing away). Go to the devil! What do you 
mean by wearing my jacket? What do you want in my 
house ? 

Howard (laughing). Your jacket — ^your house? 

Rufus. I've had enough of this! (Wildly) I'll call an 
officer! Help! Help! Help! 

ENTER R. u. E. Olr'er quicTcly as if coming to the rescue* 
Oliver. Did you call? 
RuFUS (staggered). Pendel! (Sinking on sofa) I'm 



Never Again. 35 

lost! I'm lost! (Oliver and Howard quickly sit on either 
side of him on sofa looking from one to the other), I sup- 
pose you know everything? 

Howard and Olh^er (together). Everything. 

Howard. My dear father-in-law has certainly been up to 
some nice tricks. 

Oliver. Even gone under a fictitious name. 

Howard. Caused the young French maid and her lover 
to quarrel. 

Oliver. Taken a young lady to supper at the French 
ball. 

Howard. To say nothing of having two young girls 
here to lunch. 

Oliver. And to cap the climax, to-night taking them to 
a masquerade ball. 

RuFUS. Have you quite done? (Rising) I deny all! 

Howard (pulling him hack on sofa). We can prove 
everything, and what's to be the consequence? 

Oliver. The two girls will advertise your conduct all 
over town. 

Howard. Tour wife will sue for divorce. 

Olb^er. Your daughters will be worried to death! 

Howard. You will have to fight a duel with the French- 
man. 

Oliver. Or otherwise he will kill you. 

RuFUS. A pleasant future! (With head homed) Oh 
what, oh what can I do? 

Howard. Let us help you out of the tangle. 

RuFUS (looking from one to the other). You? You? 
But how? 

Oliver. Isn't that what brought us here? And by the 
way, you may also enjoy the masquerade too. 

RuFus. Are you both going? I don't quite understand 
all this. 

Howard. Things are pretty badly mixed. 

Oliver. But will all work out nicely in the end. Listen. 
There are only four people who know of your goings on. 
The two girls, Howard and myself. So I will escort Marie— 

Howard. And I Dora. 

Oliver. And you will be our chaperon and neither of 
the girls can do any gossiping, since they are both engaged. 

Howard. And for your sake, dear father-in-law, we will' 
not mention a word. 



3^ Never Again. 

Oliver. In fact, should our plans fail, we will take the 
blame on our shoulders. 

EuFUS {overjoyed). You are both noble fellows. 

Howard and Oliver (embrace him). Dear father-in-law! 
(Lights gradually grow dim from now on) 

RuFUS. And now we'd better be getting ready. No 
doubt, the girls are already dressing. 

Oliver. But where will we get our suits? 

RuFUS. Hire them at the hall, no doubt. I've got mine. 
'(Laughing heartily) Belongs to the Frenchman. And by 
the way— (Digging them both in rihs) — you'll have to help 
me out with that madman, too. 

Oliver and Howard (together). Leave all to us. 

RuFus. My dear fellows, isn't it curious how much 
happier I feel since taking you both into my confidence? 
I never knew either of you before — but since our little 
understanding, I would trust my very life in either of your 
hands. (Stage now almost dark) 

[EXIT R. 1 E. 

Oliver. Isn't he a corker? 

Howard. Really Oliver, I shouldn't do this. I'm only 
married a short time and 

Oliver. I hope soon to be married. My only object in 
doing this is to become reconciled to the old man and then 
gain his consent to marry Marion. 

Howard. I do hope we're not found out. What would 
Ruth say? 

Oliver. Keep up your courage. No one will ever know. 
(Glass crash heard off) Did you hear that? 

Howard (nervously). Sounded like the breaking of a 
window-pane. Listen! (A tapping sound is heard) What 
can it be? 

Oliver. Burglars perhaps. They robbed the Maynard 
mansion on the next block last evening. Let's get out of the 
way and await developments. (Hides off r. u. e.) 

Howard. A good idea. (Hides in hallway at hack, tap- 
ping sound continues) 

Julian (finally appears at window, then after a pause, 
chmhs through same and cautiously looks about). So I'm 
cast off, eh? To think my MTarie would write such a letter. 
But I'll have revenge. The old fellow is a coward! Not 
once to-day has he shown himself. I couldn't wait any 
longer, after receiving her letter. I should have boiled over 



Never Again. 37 

with rage. What does she say? (Strihes match and holds 
up to letter. Reads) " Julian : after your conduct of 
to-day, I think it best that we should part forever. You 
never really cared for me or else you wouldn't have — " 
(Burns finger — drops match) Sacrebleu! (Strikes another 
match. Reads) " I think it best we should part forever. 
You have never really cared for me or else you wouldn't 
have — " (Burns finger again — gives a cry of pain). Never 
cared for her, eh? Well, I'll show her! When his body is 
found lying on the floor — (Draws a large knife) When his 
heart has been cut 

Oliver and Howard (have gradually come out from 
hiding-places and now suddenly seize Julian hy either arm) 
You rascal! 

Julian (protesting). Let me go! Let me go! I will 
kill you both! (A short struggle ensues) 

Oliver and Howard (calling aloud). Help! Help! 

O'Flynn (the police sergeant, suddenly appears in 
window, leveling revolver). Hands up, you're all under 
arrest. (All stop struggling and obey him. He climbs 
through window) I've got you dead to rights this time. 

Howard. This fellow (Referring to Julian) climbed 
through that window for the purpose of 

O'Flynn. Oh, I know all about that for I've been 
watchin' his antics the whole afternoon. As soon as I spots 
him making for the house, I calls for re-enforcements and 
follows him. I've got the house surrounded by cops — so 
don't start anything. 

Oliver (about to sit on sofa). I'm glad you came when 
you did. 

O'Flynn. You*re glad? That's a funny one. (Sharply) 
Get up there! 

Oliver (indignantly). Why, oiEcer, I 

O'Flynn. I'm pulling der whole crowd. 

Howard. But, officer, we are 

O'Flynn. Shut up! All of you! 

Oliver. But I protest. I am Oliver Pendel, a visitor 
here. 

O'Flynn. A likely story. (To Howard) And you wid 
der smokin' jacket? 

Howard. I'm Howard Hunt — also a visitor. 

O'Flynn. (laughing). That's a hot one — a lallapaloos- 
er! And wearing a smoking jacket! 



3S Never Again. 

Howard. Well, to tell the truth, it doesn't belong to me. 

OTlynn (repeating). Don't belong to you? That's 
all I want to know. Equal to a confession! (Brandishing 
revolver) You'll all have to go to the station house! (In 
commanding tones) Forward — march ! 

Howard and Oliver (protesting). But, officer 

O'Flynn (firmly). Beat it! 

Howard. You haven't allowed us to explain. 

O'Flynn. You can do your explainin* in the court-room. 
On your way! 

Howard and Oliver (groan). Oh LorM 

[EXIT sadly with Julian d. l. c. 

O'Flynn (up to d. l. c.) Three burglars at a clip! A 
good haul ! This ought to put me in right wid the commis- 
sioner. (It is now very darh) 

[EXIT D. L. c. 

ENTER L. 1 E. Marie, wearing a pretty flower-girVs cos- 
tume. 

Marie. My, how dark it is! I thought I heard the gen- 
tlemen talking. (Turns on electric lamp. Lights on) 

ENTER L. 1 E. Dora, also wearing flower-girl's costume, 

Dora. You look charming. 

Marie. Not half as charming as you. 

Dora, (proudly strutting ahout). Won^t we cut a 
figure! I wish Otto could see me now. 

Marie. And poor Julian! I wish he hadn't made such a 
fool of himself earlier in the day. (Looks from window) 
He's gone ! Tired of waiting I suppose. Perhaps his desire 
for revenge has cooled off. I knew he'd come around. If 
only I hadn't written that awful note! 

Dora. But where can the master be? Perhaps he 

RuFUS (heard off r. 1 e.) Tra la — tra la — tra la la la la la. 

Marie. Here he comes. 

ENTER R. 1 e. Rufus wearing a hallet dancer's costume, 
carrying mash in hand, circles c. and strikes a pose. 

Rufus. How do I look? 
Dora (clapping hands). Bravo! Splendid! 
Marie. If only you had a wig. 

Rufus. The only thing lacking for a complete disguise. 
I'll hire one at the hall. (Looking around) Where are the 



Never Again. 39 

others? {Calls aloud) Oliver — Howard! We're waiting! 
{After a pause) That's strange! 

Marie. Perhaps they went for carriages. 

Dora. No, they were to engage them at the square so as 
not to arouse the curiosity of the neighbors. 

KuFus {at R. 1 E.). Oh Howard— Oliver, I say! {Bell 
rings off stage) 

All. Who can that be? 

Marie. The young gentlemen no doubt. 

RuFUS {quickly up to d. l. c. Glances off). Great 
heavens! my wife and daughters! They've let themselves 
in with the night key! What shall we do? Hide, hide, all 
of you! 

Dora {wildly). The Missus! {Runs wildly ahout) 

Marie. All is lost! {Follows Dora's example) 

RuFUS. I have it. Get behind those curtains until they 
leave the room! {Refers to window) 

Dora. Yes, yes! {Gets behind curtains, followed "by 
Marie) 

RuFUS {adjusts curtains). Don't say a word, don't 
move, don't you even breathe! {Then glancing around) I 
can't go to my room! I'm supposed to be in Philadelphia. 
{Sadly) I wish I was. {Suddenly) I have it! The ward- 
robe! {Gets in wardrobe and closes door) 

ENTER D. L. c, Charlotte followed hy Ruth and Marion. 

Charlotte {calling). Dora! Dora! Where can the 
girl be? Such extravagance! The lights turned on 
full and no one in the rooms! {Goes to l. 1 e. calls off) 
Dora — where are you? (Ruth wipes her eyes) Don't cry, 
dear. We will soon know the truth. Luckily, we found the 
letter. {Bitterly) "His little Fairy," eh? 

Marion. To think Oliver would deceive me too. 

Charlotte. Most men are alike. Luckily, your father 
is an exception. Too bad he had to go to Philadelphia. 
Now is the time we need his counsel. 

Ruth. Do you really think it was a ruse to get away? 

Charlotte. Could there be any other reason for their 
strange actions? 

Marion. And their frivolous excuses. {Cries) Boo hoo, 
boo hoo! 

Charlotte. But where can the girls be? My! the air 
is stifling in this room! {Over to window, draws curtains 



40 Never Again. 

cLside, exposing hoih girls to view) Gracious! What iloes 
this mean? 

Marie (sheepishly. Coming down). Oh pardon us. 
Madam 

Dora (also down). We wanted to go to the masquerade 
ball. 

Charlotte. Masquerade? And leave the house alone! 
You are a nice set of girls. Oh, if my husband knew this! 
Very likely you'll both be discharged in the morning. 

Ruth (to girls). Tell me, have you seen my husband? 

Marion. Has Oliver been here? 

Dora (indignant). What questions? Of course not. 

Ruth and Marion (to Charlotte). See mama? What 
did we tell you? 

Charlotte (to Dora and Marie). And you were going 
to the masquerade alone? 

Marie and Dora (together). Quite alone, Madam. 

Charlotte (removing wraps and going to wardrohe). 
Well I intend to sift this entire affair to the bottom, after 
I've removed my wraps! (Hand on hnoh) 

Dora (quicTcly). Stay, Madam! You — ^you mustn't open 
that door! 

Charlotte. Mustn't open this door? Well, I like that! 
And why not? 

Dora and Marie (together). Because 

Marion (suddenly having found Oliver's hat on side" 
hoard). Mother, mother, Oliver's hat. (Holds it up) 

Ruth (same time having found Howard's coat on chair 
r.). And Howard's coat! (Holding it up) 

Charlotte. I thought as much! Now I will know the 
truth! (Swings wardrohe door wide open, exposing RuFUS 
now wearing mask, to view) O — h! (Gives a scream and 
hurries down r. Rufus ships to c, whirls about once or 
twice and then EXITS quickly d. l. c. Recovering) Who 
was that woman ? 

Marie and Dora (looking at each other. Together). 
She? Why — (Then pointing at each other) — her sister! 

CURTAIN. 



Never Again. 



ACT. m. 

Scene. — The same as Act I. Next morning. Furniture all 
properly arranged. Fancy table-cloth on table. Empty 
stage at rise. Door bell rings off. 

ENTER D. L. c. Dora, wearing maid's costume, a moment 
after followed by Doctor Cutler, who comes down c. 

Dora. Right this way, doctor. The paper-hangers are in. 
the drawing-room. 

Doctor. And your mistress? 

Dora. Seems to have had a quiet night. 

Doctor. I'm glad to hear that, for I feared the attack of 
hysteria might lead to something worse. Tell me, what 
was the cause of all the excitement? 

Dora {on guard). Oh, I hardly know, sir. They returned 
home suddenly and 

Doctor {eagerly). Go on — go on. And what? 

Dora {sighs). That's all I know, sir. 

Doctor. Which isn't much. I declare, I couldn't get a 
calm word out of any of them. Very singular case indeed 
-—most singular. 

ENTER L. 1 E. Marie. 

Marie. Madam and the daughters are up now. Fve just 
taken coffee to their rooms. 

Dora {to Doctor). Then, doctor, you can go right up. 

Doctor. Very well. {To Dora) You needn't show me, I 
know the way. [EXIT l. 1 e. 

Marie {referring to Doctor). Does he know? 

Dora. Not yet. Wonder if the master's stirring? {Over 
to R. 1 e. listens) He's still asleep — or making believe 
he is. When the whole story is found out, oh what a row 
there'll be I 

Marie. How did he ever manage to get to his room? 

Dora. After he dashed out of the wardrobe, he ran to the 
email room at the foot of the back stairway and changed 
his clothing. Then he came tramping up the front stairs 
just as if he had only returned from his trip. The madam 
flew at him. Wanted to tell him all, but he wouldn't listen; 



4^ Kever Again. 

said he didn't feel well and went straight to bed. You know 
the rest. 

Marie. Madam fainted; the doctor was sent for 

Dora. And everything still remains to be explained. 

Marie. But the master can't stay in bed forever. 

Dora. Don't fear. Madam will get him out soon enough. 

Marie (despairingly). If only I could see Julian and 
right matters with him. There's going to be an awful scene 
presently. I'm going to get out as quickly as I can. 

Dora. You can't go without giving some kind of an ex- 
planation. We really got the old man into this scrape and 
ought somehow to help him out of it. 

Marie (enthusiastically). Surely you don't regret 

Dora. By no means. Only, Marie, remember his promise 
to furnish your trousseau and mine. 

Marie. That's so— I'd almost forgotten. But what are 
we to do? 

Dora. I think I have it. We'll swear we don't know a 
blessed word of what happened. No matter how madam 
questions us, we mustn't appear to know. 

Marie. That's it. (Both laughingly embrace) 

ENTER L. 1 e. suddenly, Charlotte. 

Charlotte. Well? (Dora and Marie confusedly draw 
away from each other) What were you doing? 

Dora (sadly). We were crying, madam, — crying because 
you are angry at us. 

Charlotte. I've good reason to be angry. Is my husband 
up? 

Dora. Not that we know of. 

Charlotte. As soon as he arises, I will tell him every- 
thing. He will decide what is to be done with you. (Then 
sarcastically) I don't suppose you know of the burglary 
that occurred here last evening? 

Dora and Marie (looking at each other). Burglary? 

Charlotte. Yes— burglary ! Doctor Cutler was surprised 
we didn't know of it, since the papers are just full of it. 
Three men were caught red-handed rifling our apartments. 

Dora and Marie (surprised). Three men? 

Charlotte (with sarcasm). Oh I dare say you knew 
nothing of this either. 

Dora. We were in our rooms. 

Marie. Putting on our masquerade costumes. 



Never Again. 43 

Charlotte. When you should have been attending to your 
household duties. (To Dora) And you still deny Mr. Pen- 
del and my son-in-law called here yesterday afternoon? 

Dora and Marie (together). We saw nothing of them, 
madam. 

Charlotte (with sarcasm). And you two were going 
to the ball quite alone, eh? 

Dora and Marie. Yes, madam. 

Charlotte (with arms folded — looking from one to the 
other). Then what was your sister doing in the wardrobe? 

Marie and Dora (taken hy surprise). Gracious! 

Charlotte. Why are you silent? (Then after pause) 
I can tell you. Quick as was the ballet-dancer's exit, I 
caught a glimpse of whiskers! 

Marie and Dora (starting). Whiskers? 

Charlotte (repeating). Whiskers. The fellow was either 
your lover, Dora, or one of the members of the robber gang. 

Dora (protesting). Please, madam! 

Charlotte. Since the arrests threaten to bring us an 
undue amount of notoriety anyway, we might as well have 
the entire matter brought to light. Unless you both soon 
decide to tell me all you know, I^ will lay my facts and 
suspicions before the police for their action. 

Marie and Dora (nervously). But, madam. 

Charlotte. I'll give you both a half hour to decide 
what to do. (Pointing h. 1 e.) Now go! (Marie and Dora 
exchange glances and hesitate. Still pointing. Stamping 

foot) Go! ,_ 

[EXIT L. 1 e. Marie and Dora. 

Charlotte. That ought to force the truth from them. 
They're withholding something, I know. (Over to r. 1 e. 
Knocks loudly) Kufus, dear! Kufus! 

KuFUS (finally, sleepily within). Eh? Hello? What is 

it? 

Charlotte. Aren't you up yet? Aren't you feeling well? 
RuFUS (within). That you, Charlotte, dear? I was just 

about to come out. 1. xu *u 

Charlotte (glances about room). I wonder whether the 
burglars could have stolen anything? I'll have to take an 
inventory of my silverware and jewelry. (Over to side- 
hoard) Nothing here seems to have been disturbed. Very 
likely the prompt action of the police prevented a serious 
loss. 



44 Kever Again. 

ENTER R. 1 E. RuFUS, wearing husiness suit. To Char- 
lotte, nervously. 

RuFUS. Here I am, my angel. (With arms outstretched) 
First of all, I must welcome you home. How are you, 
dearest? I intended bringing a box of sweets for you from 
Philadelphia, but it grew late and I (Then quickly glanc- 
ing around) But where is Marion? Why isn't she here? 
(Placing hands on Charlotte's shoulder) Oh, there's no 
place like home! 

Charlotte. My, how talkative you are this morning-. 
(Going to sofa) Come here and sit down. I have some- 
thing dreadful to tell you. (Sits) 

RuFUS (aside). Now for the explosion! (Then gingerly 
sitting heside her) Oh I forgot to say, my dear, — you may 
now order that new bonnet and evening dress on which 
you've set your heart. 

Charlotte. How good of you — but I'm afraid you'll 
withdraw your kind offer when I'm through. 

RuFUS (assuringly) . No, no, my dear — ^I'm not with- 
drawing anything, just now. 

Charlotte, (with effort — looking down). Rufus, we 
didn't go to Aunt Hannah's yesterday. 

Rufus (surprised). No? 

Charlotte. But instead, visited Howard's home. 

Rufus (surprised). Eh? Visited my confounded son-in- 
law's! (Then quickly patting her on arm) But I forgive 
you, my dear; it's all right; in fact, I'm glad you did. 

Charlotte (surprised). Then you're not angry? 

Rufus. Not at all. Why can't a woman have her little 
secrets as well as a man. (With forced laugh) We all 
have our little secrets more or less — don't we? 

Charlotte. I was afraid you'd be real angry. (Then 
continuing) Well, while we were there, Oliver Pendel, who 
had also dropped in to pay a call, received a message. 

Rufus (clears throat. Aside). Here's where I come in. 

Charlotte. Telling him to come here at once and bring 
Howard with him as the happiness of both depended upon 
it. This note was signed, " Your little Fairy." 

Rufus (aside). Dora's work. 

Charlotte. What do you think of that? 

Rufus (meekly). What do you want me to think? 

Charlotte. Their excuses for departing were so clumsily 
made, we became suspicious and decided to return home im- 



Never Again. 45 

mediately, only to find Dora and the new maid hiding 
behind those curtains and dressed for a masquerade. 

EuFUS (in mock surprise). No! 

Charlotte. And I must say they did look pretty. 

KuFUS {absent-mindedly). Didn't they though! 

Charlotte {looking at him). Didn't they though? 

EuFUS. No, no, I mean they didn't — that is — well you 
see the poor girls want to have a good time once in a while. 

Charlotte. Just wait until I come to the finish of my 
story. 

RuFUS (sadly). It's as plain as day already. 

Charlotte. As I went to hang my wrap in the wardrobe 
— (Turning on him) — what do you think happened? 

RuFUS. I don't have to think — I know! 

Charlotte. You know? 

RcFUS. That is I can imagine — imagine! 

Charlotte. A creature, dressed as a ballet-dancer 
skipped out, whirled about several times and then quickly 
hurried from the room. 

RuFUS (quickly). You don't say so! 

Charlotte. I do say so. I didn't realize it at first, but 
could swear now it was a man — (Repeating loudly, striking 
him on knee with clenched fist, to give the proper emphasis) 
— a man — do you hear? 

RuFUS (rubbing knee). I heard you the first time, my 
dear. 

Charlotte. Whether or not it was all part of the plot to 
rob us, still remains a mystery. Suffice to say, the doctor 
this morning brought the latest discovery to light. Prior to 
our arrival here yesterday, we had been robbed and the 
three desperadoes arrested. 

RuFUS (absent-mindedly). Is that so? T didn't notice 

it. 

Charlotte. How could you. You were in Philadelphia. 

RuFUS (quickly). You are right. / was in Philadel- 
phia. 

Charlotte. The morning papers say, one of the thieves, 
when arrested, wore your smoking jacket. 

RuFUS (surprised). My smoking jacket! (Aside) My 
son-in law! 

Charlotte. Undoubtedly, you will have to go to court. 

RuFUS (wiping forehead with handkerchief). More 
likely— jail! (Then to Charlotte) But how does all this 



4^ Never Again. 

concern the boys? {Quickly adding) I mean Howard and 
Oliver ? 

Charlotte {loudly). Kow? How? {Then Utterly) 
To cap the chmax, Ruth found her husband's coat and 
Marion, her lover's derby, in this room! 

RuFus. How careless of them. 

Charlotte. What ? 

RuFus. I said how scandalous! 

Charlotte {pacing up and down). Would anyone want 
more proof of their perfidy? Could more be asked ^ 

RuFUS. Things do look pretty blu^-black, I mean,— 
for all of us! {Then adding) I should say— both of them! 

Charlotte {stops pacing). Then this awful letter! 
(io KuFus, holding letter out to him. Sternly) Who is 
Your little Fairy? " 

RuFUS {starts. Blinking eyes.) My little Fairy? 

Charlotte (impatiently stamping foot). No, no, Fm 
referring to this letter Oliver received. It was undoubtedly 
written by a woman. 

HuFVs {sadly). Undoubtedly. {With assumed anger) 
Base deceivers! 

Charlotte. You will have to make them answer for 
their deceitfulness. I shall expect you to wring confessions 
from them both. 

RuFUS. And very likely get nicely wringed myself. 

Charlotte {glancing l. 1 e.). Here come the girls. We 
must comfort them all we can. 

ENTER L. 1 E. Marion and Ruth, both quickly going to 
RuFUS, and hanging on his neck, soh loudly. 

Marion and Ruth. Oh dad— Oh dad! 

RuFUS {business. With sad expression). There, there 
my dears, don't take on so. 

Marion {through her sobs). Then you have heard all? 

KUFUS. All 1 want to hear, my dear. 
^ Ruth {through sobs). Just think, I found Howard's coat 
m this room. 

Dora {sobbing). And I, Oliver's hat. 

Charlotte. There's no doubt in my mind that both of 
them were here last night. 

Ruth {sobbing). And when they heard us, escaped. 

Marion {sobbing). So that we would not know of theii> 
goings on. 



Never Again. 47 

Charlotte. I really believe they were going to take the 
two girls to the masquerade. 

KuTH (sobs loudly). Boo hoo! 

Marion (immediately after her). Boo hoo! 

RuFus (with sad expression, immediately after Marion) 
Boo hoo! 

Charlotte (to Rufus). Ruth wrote to her husband 
immediately and Marion wrote to Oliver. They must both 
come here at once and be questioned by you. 

Rufus (starting). By me? 

Charlotte. And you will also have to cross-examine the 
two girls! 

Rufus (aside). Worse and worse. 

Marion (hrohenly) . I will never marry Oliver. 

Ruth (through sobs). I will sue for divorce! 

Charlotte. Very sensible of you both. If my husband 
had ever attempted to take two girls to a masquerade — I'd 
a scratched his eyes out. 

Rufus (closing both eyes tightly. Aside). Good graci- 
ous! (Pulling himself together. With effort. Firmly) I 
will get at the bottom of this. The whole affair is infamous ! 
The idea of such goings on in my house! The idea! (To 
Charlotte) I will carry out your suggestion to the very 
letter. The cross-examination will bring them all to time. 
But it must be done diplomatically! One at a time — and 
each alone! So that tales cannot be carried to the others. 
Now go to your rooms and leave me to attend to the entire 
matter. 

Charlotte. But Rufus 

Rufus (firmly). Leave everything to me! Each will 
have to make a clean breast of it. Now go to your rooms; 
this rule holds good for all. Now go— go — (Pompously) — 
or I'll wash my hands of the whole affair. 

Marion and Ruth (going to l. 1 e.). We are going. 

[EXIT l. 1 E. 

Charlotte (at door l. 1 e.). Do not spare them, Rufus! 

Rufus. I'll have them all at my knees within the hour. 
(EXIT Charlotte l. 1 e., Rufus sinks on sofa) Now 
what am I going to do? Thank goodness I'm rid of them 
for a while at least. If I open my mouth to Dora, she'll 
tell everything. (With head in hands) If ever I get 
out of this— Never again! (Howard and Oliver ENTER 
through window, much the worse for wear, with hair dis- 



48 Never Agrain. 

heveled, collars awry and clothing bespattered with mud) 
-Boys, you here? 

Howard (sadly). All that's left of us. 

EuFus (quickly to door l. 1 e., listens). S— h, don't 
talk too loud. (Then coming c.) It's all right now. Where 
have you been? 

Howard. We were arrested. 

EuFUS. Ha ha! The mysterious burglary solved at 
last! But how in the world (Rising) 

Olr^er. Did we manage to get out? (Referring to 
Howard) Oh, Howard fixed that. 

^ Howard. The police are more incapable than I ever 
imagined. 

Oliver. Wouldn't listen to a word we had to say. 

Howard. But I happened to know the judge before 
whom we were arraigned this morning,— an old school- 
fellow. 

Oliver (enthusiastically). A splendid chap! 

Howard. And he joined in the general laugh when he 
heard our stories, reprimanded the police for their 
stupidity 

Olfver. And let us go. 

Howard. Even the Frenchman, who turned out to be 
a lover, or something or other of your maid, here. 

Oliver. But tell us, did you go to the masquerade? 

EuFUS (sadly). I came nearer going somewhere else. 
Boys, there was an awful row after you'd gone! Every- 
thing is lost! 

Olh^er and Howard. How so? 

RuFus. You stupid fellows! To leave your coats and 
hats behind. 

Oliver. By Jove! 

RuFUS. My wife and daughters came home unexpectedly, 
found your things and naturally suspected you'd given 
them the slip earlier in the day to take the maids to the 
masquerade. 

Howard (astounded). They don't believe that, do they? 

RuFUS (aside). And a whole lot of other things. 

Oliver. Now we are in for it. 

RuFUS (suddenly turning towards l. 1 e.). Hush— my 
wife ! 

Oliver and Howard (excitedly running about). What 
Will we do? (Finally crouch behind Rufus) 



Never Ag^aiti. 49 

ENTER L. 1 E. Dora. 

Dora. The master! 

RuFUS (drawing himself to full height). Yes — the 
master! Do you deny writing a letter signed "Your little 
Fairy?" 

Dora (shows him reference hooh). Do you deny writing 
this awful reference? 

Howard (coming forward). And my dear father-in-law, 
do you deny that you used my name to cover up your 
pranks ? 

Olr^er (also coming forward). Can you deny getting 
us all in this wretched mess? 

Dora (pointing at Rufus). You and you alone are the 
cause of all the trouble. 

Rufus (looking from one to the other. MeeTcly). You're 
all against me. 

Dora. Julian is below. You will also have to account 
to him. 

Rufus (starts). What! that French lunatic? Never! 
Fd die first! (Starting for r. 1 e.) I'm going to bed. I 
feel my old complaint coming on again. I shall be ill for 
a month at least ! ^ ^ fEXIT r. 1 e. 

Howard (following him off). Here, hold on! You can't 
get out of it that way. [EXIT r. 1 E. 

Oliver (following Howard). Neither can you desert me. 
Fll not stand for it. ^ [EXIT r. 1 E. 

Dora (looks after them, then "breaks into hearty laugh). 
I suppose I've punished the master enough. I've had re- 
venge in plenty. I must get them all out of it before it's 
too late. (Then thoughtfully) But how — how? 

ENTER L. 1 E. Marie, dragging Julian hy hand. He, 

too, is well battered up, presenting a ludicrous sight, 

with hair disheveled, clothing torn and one eye black' 

ened. 

Marie. At last, Dora — at last, I've been able to explain 

matters to this jealous fellow and now he has promised to 

help us. 

Dora. How good of you. 

Julian (sadly). Oh Marie, if you only knew what a 
miserable night I spent in that cell. They took me for a 
lunatic and every time I opened my mouth — I put my foot 
in it. 



so Never A^rain. 

Dora (suddenly). Hush, the ladies! 

ENTER quickly l. 1 e. Charlotte, followed hy MarIOM 

and Ruth. 

Charlotte. What's this? {Then espying Julun) Pray 
who is this man? 

Dora {taking c). Oh, madam, Fm so glad you came. 
Everything is cleared up. 

Charlotte {surprised). Everything? {Aside) Rufus 
has brought them to time! 

Dora. I know who the burglars were who were caught 
here last evening! 

Charlotte, Ruth and Marion {surprised). You do? 

Dora. None other than Mr. Hunt and Mr. Pendel! 

Ruth. My husband! 

Marion. Oliver ! 

Dora {quickly and eagerly, referring to Julian). This 
is Julian, Marie's fiance. After you left yesterday, he came 
to visit Marie and as she told him she could not receive her 
friends during your absence, he kept loitering at the front 
door. Naturally, not knowing the real facts, I took him for 
a suspicious character and knowing Mr. Fletcher to be on 
bad terms with his son-in-law and Mr. Pendel, thought to 
give them the opportunity of apprehending the fellow, and 
m that way do the master a service for which he would have 
to be grateful. That's how I came to write the note to Mr. 
Pendel. 

Marion {bitterly). Signing it "Your little Fairy." 

Dora. That's what Mr. Pendel always called me because 
I delivered your letters. 

Charlotte. Go on with your story. 

Dora. Well, the young men arrived, and Julian, finally 
becoming impatient at what he considered Marie's unwar- 
ranted delay in coming out to see him, pounded heavily on 
the door. Whereupon the young men confronted him, and 
an argument followed, ending with a fight and the arrest of 
the three of them by an officer who happened to be passing. 

Ruth and Marion. Is it possible? 

Charlotte {to Julian). Is all this true? 

JuLL\N. Yes, madam. {Feeling of himself) I am still 
all black and blue. 

Dora. You can read it all in the Police Record. 

Ruth. Then, dear Howard is innocent I 



Never Ag^ain. 5X 

Marion. And so is Oliver! 

Charlotte (reluctantly believing story). Well, perhaps 
we were wrong. 

ENTER R. 1 E. unconcernedly, Howard and Oli\'er. 

Ruth (running to him). Howard! 

Marion (running to Oliver). Oliver! (They embrace) 

Dora (aside to Marie). There, these two are out of the 
scrape. 

Charlotte (suspiciously). But, Howard, what were you 
doing in my husband's room? 

Howard (confusedly). Eh? Why — er — (Then quickly) 
weVe just explained everything to him. 

Oliver (to Marion). And think, Marion, he's given his 
consent to our marriage. (Embraces Marion) 

Charlotte. I'm so glad! What can have come over him 
all of a sudden? Where is he? Why doesn't he come out? 

Howard (sadly). I'm afraid he is very ill. 

All. 111? 

ENTER slowly r. 1 e. Rufus, wearing lounging robe, his 
head again tied up in towel and an immense bandage 
on his right foot. Leans on a cane. 

Charlotte (hurrying to him). Rufus, you poor fellow. 
(Assists him c.) You are very ill. 

Rufus (weakly). Yes, very ill. What I need is rest and 
quiet. You mustn't ask me questions or expect them to be 
answered. It upsets my nerves— gives me great pain- 
aggravates my trouble. (Julian on entrance of Rufus, 
makes angry threats at him. Marie, in pantomime, finally 

quiets him) / r 7 • 

Julian. Pardon, but I must take my leave. (Looking 
around. To Charlotte) Will you please be so kind as to 
let me have my masquerade costume so that I may return 
it to the costumer? 

Charlotte (stares at him). Your masquerade costume? 
(Rufus nervously draws collar of coat over his ears) 

Julian. Yes, madam, I intended to wear it at the ball 
last night, but this horrible burglar business prevented me. 
It was the costume of a ballet-dancer! 

All. Ballet-dancer! 

Chvrlotte (all interest). Ah yes, I'd almost forgotten. 
That mystery remains still to be cleared up. (Looking 



54 Never Agrain. 

around) Who was the ballet-dancer? (RuFUs' Icnees 
tremble and he is a pitiful sight) 

Ruth (locking arm in Howard's). Not Howard. 

Marion (same to Oliver). Not Oliver. 

Marion (ditto Julian). It wasn't Julian either. (Rufus 
clearly disturbed) 

Charlotte (looking around). I know it wasn't Dora! 
(Then down to Rufus. Sternly) I have a dreadful sus- 
picion! Rufus! Rufus! Could it have been you? 

ENTER D. l. c. Otto, carrying the ballet costume in his 

arms. 

Otto. Oxcuse me everybody. But I find dese- 



Dora (quickly up to him. Triumphantly). Madam, it 
was Otto! 

All (turning). Otto? (Otto stupidly stands c, looking 
from one to the other with a wide grin on his face) 

Dora (quickly). Otto is my fiance. He found the cos- 
tume yesterday and (Taking suit, hands to Julian) — wanted 
to play a joke on me, so he put it on and hid in the ward- 
robe. When you opened the door, he came out! 

Charlotte (with folded arms). Yes, he came out all 
right. 

Rufus (now at ease, brandishing cane at Otto). Sly 
dog! So you were the ballet-dancer? (Laughs heartily — 
then removing towel and becoming serious. To Charlotte, 
placing arm about her) But we forgive them, Charlotte; 
forgive them all — (Then looking from one to the other) — 
on the one condition — it doesn't happen again! 

All (slowly and seriously). Never Again! (All couples 
are embracing as curtain descends) 



CURTAIN. 




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COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 9 4 

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DELEGATES FROM. DE]S'VER. 2 Acts; 45 mmutes 3 10 

DOCTOR BY COURTEST. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 5 

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MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours. ... 5 3 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 

CRA^SVFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2^ hours. 9 3 




DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



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